Men are turned on, not only by sex, but also in anticipation of sex. They are aroused by objects associated with sex (e.g. women’s underwear) and enjoy portrayals of sex.
What turns-ons motivate women to want sex?
And what is it about sex and her partner that arouses a woman to orgasm?
Some women evidently enjoy fantasies that focus on explicitly adult themes (‘My Secret Garden’ by Nancy Friday 1973). But not every woman has sexual fantasies.
Some women orgasm without using any mental stimuli and this may explain why they see no appeal in ‘adult’ material. It’s possible that orgasms that arise purely through physical stimulation may be different to those that involve fantasy. But for many of us sexual pleasure is defined by what happens in the mind rather than to the body.
Men’s enjoyment of pornography indicates their use of fantasy to assist with arousal during masturbation. During sex a man also appreciates a responsive lover to assist with (rather than detract from) his fantasy of arousing a woman through intercourse.
Men’s sex drive makes sex the goal and masturbation is only a poor substitute. Female masturbation is quite different because it allows a woman when alone to focus on the taboo aspects of sex that she finds arousing enough to reach orgasm.
Sexual arousal is fundamentally a psychological phenomenon. Sexual arousal occurs when the mind tunes into thoughts of an erotic nature. Men are turned on – not only by sex itself – but also by sexual associations. Women do not respond in this way.
Men think about sex much more than women do. By the time they come to have sex men are already aroused in their minds (they have an erection). How can women get turned on by sex when they are offended by images of sexual activity?No one can explain what erotic stimuli cause women to be aroused enough to orgasm during sex.
The emphasis on physical stimulation is highly misleading because it ignores the much more critical issue of how a woman achieves psychological arousal during sex.
When a woman says that she is ‘turned on’ she means that she is amenable to sex. No woman approaches sex just short of an orgasm as men do. Otherwise, rather than rely on a lover, she would know instinctively which part of her body to stimulate.
Women’s experiences of sensual pleasure, erotic anticipation and vaginal lubrication are all described as female ‘sexual arousal’. Yet such responses hardly equate to the much more focused nature of male arousal, which inevitably leads to male orgasm.
There is very little about sex that would make it arousing for women. Everything about sex (hairy skin, earthy smells and body fluids) is UNATTRACTIVE to women. Fantasy allows a woman to gloss over these unappealing, graphic aspects of sex and to focus on a more psychological view of sex by being the object of male sex drive.